Fathering is also Mentoring

Hey everyone! I am so glad in a way that I am bouncing back to DNA! Gosh, so much distractions over the holidays but I have been reading up and so here's some sharings over what I have read on Fathering.... Enjoy! Let me know what you think... pen down here...

Fathering is also a Mentoring Work

"The most important...work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes."
-Harold B. Lee

Fathering is not just a social role; it is the work fathers do every day. This work is different from a job or career in that it stems from a moral obligation to meet children's needs and actively build a caring and supportive father-child relationship. To perform these critical duties, fathers can focus on seven specific categories of work: ethical work, stewardship work, development work, rrecreation work, spiritual work, relationship work, and mentoring work. (Dollahite, Hawkins, & Brotherson, 1997). This part of our home page is related to mentoring work.

Mentoring work consists of the fathers ability and responsibility to consult (to impart ideas and stories when asked) and to contribute (sustain and support generative work of one's children). The desired result of mentoring work is generative fathers and generative children.

Story 1
As children become adults, their fathers can have an important impact on their adjustment and management of adult obligations and complexity. Mentoring work is especially valuable as fathers care for their adult children. The first story is about how a father contributed (gave assistance) to his adult son.

"They give it back. As much as you give your parents, they find ways to give it back. Seven years ago I was in a partnership in construction and it went sour. The company got into a bad situation and, without going into a lot of detail, the bottom line was that I left. All I had known was construction for five or six years, since I'd been home from my mission [for his church]. I didn't know anything else, and construction was gone. There were no homes being built, no job opportunities, and I'd soured on it from what had happened. Basically, I ended up losing a home and becoming unemployed with no money. I'd learned from my family how to survive tough times: You face situations, nothing is ever critical, there's always a tomorrow, you're not going to die, etc.

"Yes, it might be important or a sticky situation, but you'll face it and tomorrow you'll go on. However, for the first time in my life, I didn't feel like there was a tomorrow. I had no money. I had bill collectors coming to the door. It really got to me when I realized that I didn't have enough money to buy a loaf of bread to feed my wife and my one child. When you are put into situations like that, you lose all self-confidence and all feelings of self-worth. I was devastated. My father could sense that something was wrong. My parents didn't know what the situation was or how bad it was, but they just showed up with some groceries. It was as if they were saying, "We don't know what you need, but we have some extra and here it is." It's probably one of the few times that I've cried in front of my father."

Story 2

The following story tells of a father imparting insights and wisdom to his adult daughter, and how much this conveyance meant to her.

"The day was filled with excitement as I put on my cap and gown in preparation for my graduation from Ricks College with my associate's degree. I was surrounded by those whom I loved and was able to share a special moment in my life with them. In all the excitement my parents gave me a card that I did not open for some time. I sat down on the edge of the stage and opened the card while my parents were in their own world off to the side. From the moment I read the words 'Dear Janet,' my eyes began swelling with tears. I was filled with total emotion as I read: 'Dear Janet, I know we don't talk much. Communication between you and your mother seems to be better than between you and me. However, I want you to know how extremely proud of you that I really am.

"The example you set for your brothers and sisters is very important to me, but more than that, the standards you have set for yourself, places you in a class by yourself. I know you will succeed in anything you do; you've proven that many times. You have chosen well: your schools, your course of study, your work, and of course your mate. Be proud of who you are, be strong in what you do, be faithful to your convictions. You are my daughter, I love you very much - Dad.' To many people this would be a normal letter that contains words heard by their fathers many times. But to me, the words are like gold, very rare and precious. My father has never expressed his feelings to me in such a manner. Tears just streamed down my face when I read the words. I wanted to go up and hug my dad to let him know how much they meant but I was restrained. To this day I do not know why, but this experience has been held dear to me and I have cherished this card with all my heart."

Have a great day! God bless you!

Amy